Blog #8: Megan’s 2024 Highlights
From the top:
January
Real Housewife of Salt Lake City, Monica Garcia, is revealed to be Reality Von Tease
My dad learns that Celsius can raise your body temperature after drinking two in a day, “Celsius is lethal and evil,” my dad says.
Soulja Boy threatens to shoot Blueface amid beef: "Let’s die, let’s meet up and die. Let’s die. ASAP. Let’s meet right now. Whenever you see this Live, DM me the addy. Let’s shoot it up, let’s shoot it out."
WWE Timeline Update: George Carlin is coming back to life in new AI-generated comedy special.
Megan Thee Stallion releases Hiss, Nicki Minaj retaliates with Big Foot, and Ben Shapiro also releases a dumb ass single in the same week. Nicki Minaj eliminates prospect of retiring with the crown in insane and humiliating spiral re: Megan Thee Stallion.
The Fall of Ice Spice commences with the release of a song with the word Fart in the title.
I stun in new photos with friends.
February
Carl Weathers passes away
Toby Keith passes away
Richard Lewis passes away
I rear end a nice granola lesbian right in front of my house while Andrew watches from the stoop. She is a total prince about the situation.
I show my friends this video of Shawn Mendes.
I get accepted to law school.
Brittany and Jax Taylor officially separate.
March
The first major movie event of the year, Dune 2, is released in theaters. Girls everywhere who love Zendaya and Timothee Chalamet seek council from their autistic boyfriends to get the lowdown on the situation. Austin Butler should be giving freaky alien all the time
I learn what a VLOOKUP is.
Hell looms closer: Warner Bros Discovery announces it will begin cracking down on password-sharing for Max this year. The twenty-odd people I share my account with begin to get their affairs in order. I prepare to lose major leverage in all twenty-odd relationships.
Me and Joe experiment with B12 Vapes to curb our nicotine addictions. It’s largely unsucessful.
April
I give Andrew his corner
TTPD - Cat Marnell aptly refers to us as The Tortured Public Department. Lowest common denominator Gen Zs and Millenials get weird about it as usual.
Solar Eclipse in Carbondale, IL baby!!!
My personal movie event of the year, and IMO of the decade, Challengers, is released in theaters
College Campus Protests
May
I shock the world by celebrating my 26th birthday surrounded by loved ones
Orlando Baby Discourse
Lana Del Rey and Sexyy Red link up
June
Brat is released
Pride Shenanigans
WWE Timeline update: Joe Biden/Trump
Timberland Summer Sandals
Justine and Megan Mog a Wedding
July
My boyfriend gets dental insurance
Touchscreen Vapes
I go to PV
WWE Timeline Update: Attempted Assassination of Donald Trump
I put Tilk (Tequila + Milk) on the map
is Kamala brat?
August
September
October
November
December
Vanderpump Rules, as we know it, is over.
United Healthcare CEO is shot and killed in broad daylight. Gallows humor ensues.
Luigi Mangione, 26 year old hottie, is arrested on suspicion of murdering the United Healthcare CEO
Spotify Wrapped sucked worse than it ever has
I become informed of Faye Wong’s swag
I celebrate A Very Carbondale Christmas
I drink ZZZquil to get out of the family trip both ways
